What You May Want to Know about Feminine Anger (3)

(continued from the previous blog)

If you try to get rid of fear and anger without knowing their meaning, they will grow stronger & return.” ~ Deepak Chopra

Now the question is: can we make good use of the energy of anger and transform its destructive movements?

Here I offer a few ways I’ve found useful with my clients, friends, family and myself.

First, 100% unconditional acceptance.  This is the most important and most difficult step.  In order to fetch the gold, you have to go into the blazing fire, with open eyes, fully conscious, fully sane, and courageous beyond what you think you could ever be.  Think of anger as Beast, and you are the beautiful Belle.  How can you get to the “happily ever after” if you don’t accept Beast, and see the handsome prince in him?

In the words of J. Krishnamurti:” Don’t be afraid of discontent, but give it nourishment until the spark becomes a flame, and you are everlastingly discontented with everything – with your jobs, with your families, with the traditional pursuit of money, position, power – so that you really begin to think, to discover. … … you see, without this flame of discontent you will never have the initiative which is the beginning of creativeness.”

If you can enter (accept) the blazing fire, with open eyes, and watch it burn, you will see amazing things: e.g. hidden wounds, shame, guilt, regret… revealed and transformed.

At this time, you can go into the second stage: creative breakthroughs.  Once the fire is ignited while you stay conscious and watchful, you will most likely be lead to focus on an area that you have good reason to be angry about.  If not, you can choose an area of your life or work that requires solution.  Stay on the topic, and let energy lead you.  You will find ways that you never knew existed.  Your “angry” creative outburst will find ways or make ways.

Third stage: since angry outbursts, due to its inherent intensity, cannot be sustained by the body for a long time, it will subside naturally.  Once all the fuel and trash were all burned up, take a look at the whole trip.  Appreciate it, and give thanks (even if you feel you have a few more trips to make :) ).  Wasn’t that fantastic?  Look at the gold you’ve retrieved, or distilled.  You’ve made it.  You’ve been through the fire, and got your treasure.  Or, if you prefer, you are now with the handsome prince who was once an ugly yucky beast.  Time for some celebration!

Oh, by the way, don’t you just feel better?  Like your body just had a good stretch.  Doesn’t your breath flow deeper and wider, and taste more delish?

You may not be able to distinguish all the three stages of anger.  It doesn’t matter.  I’ve had clients, all they needed to hear was that it’s OK to feel anger.  That’s all they needed in order to “live happily ever after.”  They left, and reported improved energy level, better communication, joy …

In short, everyone has their own unique situation, and therefore their own best strategies with regard to this beast.  So I’m not going to prescribe any rigid “steps” here.  I use different techniques with different clients.  Deep in your heart, in that unshakable stillness, you know what to do, and once you’ve accepted your own beast, fully, completely, with open eyes, clarity will emerge.

One last word of caution: the best time to go through this process is when the moon is full.  This is especially so when you feel there is a lot of anger/creativity to come out.

So here’s to your “happily ever after” life.   Let me know how things go.

Before I sign off, here’s a quote I like about our topic:

“What is important is to be wholly discontented, for such total discontent is the beginning of the initiative which becomes creative as it matures; and that is the only way to find out what is truth, what is God, because the creative state is God.” ~ J. Krishnamurti

Peace & Creativity to you all,

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What You May Not Know About Feminine Anger (Part 2)

Before we jump into how to work with this energy called feminine anger/rage, let’s take an objective look at the traits of anger as an emotion, both negative and positive.

The negative side: well, don’t we know it?  I’ve heard of smashed dishes, broken TV sets, and in one case with a man, a broken foot.  He was in crushes for at least two weeks, because of that.  The list can go on and on, not just broken objects or bones, but broken hearts and relationships, not to mention violence and damage on the societal level.

So women, as care-givers and nurturers would almost instinctively shush their anger whenever possible, to avoid “making a scene.”  It’s kind of ugly or shameful, isn’t it?  And you’d rather have nothing to do with it, if you can.

Now let’s take a look at the potential benefits of this beast.  Even if you see it as purely “negative, ” give it the benefit of doubt for a moment.  It’s an undeniable part of human experience.  Is it possible that it has something to teach us, if we open our mind, and give it some space in our heart? What positive value can you possibly see in anger or rage?

How about passion, physical energy, vitality … A whole industry has emerged in response to the need for people to “find their own passion?”  Or “What do you really want?”  Passion, by definition, is an intense, expressive and outward going energy.  Why has passion disappeared?  Where has it gone?  Why do we need to find it, unless we’ve hidden it somewhere we refuse to look at?  What happens to life when passion vanishes?  What happens to a relationship when that fire is extinguished?

Jack Welch, the former CEO and chairman of General Electric, was known for his willingness to hire angry people.  Granted, Mr. Welch is not exactly the type embodying feminine form of the emotion :), and granted, there can be better ways to express anger than screaming and yelling, nevertheless we are given here an opportunity to peep into something sparkling, maybe even brilliant in this ugly beast “anger” or “rage.”

When someone is angry about a condition, she’s investing huge amount of energy into changing it.  Looking from a physiological point of view, her blood pressure shoots up, muscles tense, jaws clenched, heart rate and breath accelerate … The body goes through intense motion.  Brian Tracy used to say that one 5-minute outburst of anger used up energy equivalent to 8 hours of work.

Now, if that same energy is channeled towards a goal,  is the person more likely to stay committed, break down obstacles along the way, and achieve it in the end than someone who is lukewarm about the whole thing?   Jack Welch mentioned in many of his talks how he wouldn’t give a project to a person until he saw that “commitment” in an angry outburst, when voices were raised, fists came pounding on the desk, door slammed …  It signaled to him that the person had put all of him/herself into it.

For women, and many men, this runs against their basic value: harmony, beauty, peace, nurturing …

Now the question is: can we find a way that is not destructive, not damaging to our loved ones, our family and our world, but that carries the passionate, committed energy of anger to work for the highest good?

The vast shift is already underway.  We have come to a time where peace has become an increasing priority, because more and more of us realize life cannot continue in chaos or wars any more.

To be continued in my next post…  Until then, here’s a quote from the great psychologist C. G. Jung: “The most terrifying thing is to accept oneself completely.”

Peace & Blessings,

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What You May Not Know About Feminine Anger

Anger is part of human experience.  Anyone who’s never experienced anger, either in themselves or in people around them? Feminine anger can erupt through a woman or a man.  I’ll focus on women in this blog, because it’s more often associated with them.

Women experience anger very differently from men.  Historically because women have always been caregivers, they stay home taking care of kids, elderly, cook for the family, when do they get a chance to express their frustration or anger? They don’t go to a battlefield or car race or an executive board-room (until the past few decades).  Just image-wise, it’s such an un-ladylike thing to explode.  Women’s role in the family or society is to nurture and care for others.  Anger, as a “negative emotion,”  conflicts with their basic social function and image.

However, as an emotion, anger is a rebel, highly disobedient and irreverent.  Suppressed anger would lash out when you least expect it, when things seem to be going well, or when you are having a relaxing fun time…  Then, you are left with “Gee, I don’t know what happened to me,” followed by regret, guilt, shame, depression, to name just a few.

If you know what I’m talking about here, don’t despair.  There is a solution.  Actually there better be a solution, because the world depends on it.  Yes, a peaceful happy world depends on peaceful happy individuals: mothers, wives, husbands, dads, children and families.

For whatever reason, I’ve seen quite a bit of anger during my lifetime, and have worked hard to both understand and channel it in a constructive way.  After many years of careful observation, studying, helping others and myself, I’ve come to a point where I am completely confident that it can be tapped into for its amazing beneficial aspects, and that it’s “negative” effects be reduced to minimum.

Try to silence anger, shush it or fence it off?  You know there’s just no way.  Or try to arm-wrestle with it?  The flame leaps higher and gets even more enraged.  Sometimes, under immense pressure, anger can be forced retreat.  But it never leaves for real, instead it will stay dormant as resentment or unforgiveness for years, decades or lifetimes, waiting for a moment to come when it can express itself, Or once suppressed, the internalized or silenced rage often turns its fire inward, leading to depression, despair, anti-social behaviors, self-isolation, shoulder-neck tension, chest pain, numerous diseases, accidents, etc.

Basically suppressed anger blocks you from having a truly authentic fulfilling life.  And in women this happens more often than we care to know, because of our roles as nurturer and caretaker.  If, as you are reading this, you can feel the flame leaping up inside you, you know what I mean.

Now the question is what to do to deal with women’s anger?  How to maximize its positive values while minimize its destructive side?  How to turn the inner rage into radiance?

Yes, rage into blazing radiance that gives you irresistible charm, focus, creativity, vitality, confidence, energy, peace in action, and breakthroughs…  Can you use any of these?  Now, all of this is not only possible but necessary for our personal happiness, success and for world peace.

And yes, you can do it!  Anyone who cares deeply about themselves, their loved ones and the world can do it! (to be continued on the next post)

Peace & Blessings

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What Is Your Story Communicating?

Every day we tell others about our life experiences, or hear others telling about theirs.  If you know how to listen, you can find out a lot about another person or about yourself.  Story-telling is one of the most powerful and most ancient tools for communication.

Once I visited a spiritual master who told me that people loved telling me about their own life secrets.  Well, that turned out quite true.  For friends, family members and clients, I’ve sat and listened to many many life stories.  After certain amount of story-listening, I can get a feeling of where a person is blocked, where a person is flowing freely in their life.

Sometimes a person can tell you in vivid detail of everything that has happened to her, but by the end there’s very little meaning to the story as a whole.  It’s like: yes, I did this, did that,… but what it is all about?  Oh well whatever, whatever…

Other times, a person tells you their whole life in a few sentences, and it’s a complete painting, a unique masterpiece, a work of art.   A person who is very happy with herself usually can tell about the same life experience from different angles, changing perspectives easily without any sense of discomfort.

In most cases, no matter how a person zigzags, up and down, I can sense their core being, their soul if you want, that stable part of a personality which evolves through time but somehow stays the same.  This is probably due to my training in studying personalities.

What if a person cannot tell their life story at all?  I’ve met these people as well.  Once there was a lady who signed up voluntarily to tell me her story.  So we got on skype, and exchanged pleasantries, then I said: can you tell me a bit about your background?  Then she started telling me how things were back in the old days … Within a few minutes, she couldn’t continue any more.  So I had to prompt her, and prompt her again … but she just couldn’t go on, even after I used all my techniques to prompt her this way and that.  A few minutes later I ended the session, and told her there were blockages in the way she saw her life.  And she agreed, saying she never realized how clogged up she was until just now, and life was not going well for her, despite daily affirmation, meditation, etc.

The ability to tell our stories indicates that we have integrated our mind, body, heart and soul into a meaningful whole.  In a way story-telling about our own life is a great tool that we can use together with affirmation and meditation, to see how well we have brought the general principles of life down to earth, and can dance with them as part of a living experience.

On that note, everyone, here’s to your life story.  Make it fun :)

Peace & Blessings,

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How to Lose 10 Pounds This Summer

Once upon a time, I rented a room in a house where there were three tenants.  The landlord was a kind man in his 40s, and kept an extremely watchful eye over utility bills.  So, we were asked to turn off the lights when we left the room, etc.  I embraced all of that, because I thought it was good for the planet.  Frugality is a virtue.

But, when heat waves rolled in during summertime, virtue could be hard to endure.  Time and again, I petitioned for air conditioning, no, not until it’s over 100 degrees Fahrenheit.  Even when the air conditioning was on, it was set to run for only three hours max, and the thermostat was set at 84.  Day in day out for a few weeks like this, all I could do was to shower, eat watermelon instead of solid lunch, put ice everywhere …

One day it became unbearable, I was seriously considering launching a campaign against misers, even though I was moving out in a few weeks.   Don’t you see: “misers” and “misery” are so closely related.  I took a shower, got my ice all over the places, had my watermelon, and sat at the computer and was all ready to launch my campaign against misers and misery in this world.

I sat there, staring at the screen, trying to enumerate the harms caused by misers for me and the world, specifically by this particular miser landlord, I realized something:

-I lost weight consistently over the summer, because I had to eat watermelon, drink water all the time.  Any normal food intake just meant overheating the body
-Due to the indoor high temperature I sweated a lot more than usual, which meant the body was detoxing … hmmm, no wonder my body felt so much lighter and more energetic these days
-My stomach ache didn’t return this summer.  Could it be the air conditioning that actually caused it in the first place.  The other day there was a little discomfort in my stomach when it was turned on for only two hours.

Sh–, don’t tell the landlord, I guess misers have their place in the world too.   Finally, with this story I think I’m even with them now.


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Story-telling & Story-Listening

Hi everyone,

I just came back from my summer vacation.  During the past month I’ve got to know many interesting people who have rekindled in me the passion for personal story-telling (and listening).
I’ve always loved to hear other people talking about their own experiences.  That’s the time I can sit back and just observe the other person, without my own mind dashing here and there, trying to express myself, and without the need to make a decision or judgment. I’ve discovered you can learn so much about the other person in that silent observation mode.  And my non-judgmental and appreciative attitude also tends to draw out really good stories from the other person, spontaneously.  The end result is both of us enjoy the meaningful time together. Many times it’s a healing experience.

I’ve had several friends who just love telling me about their life, their family, ancestors, and everyone under the sun.  After two hours, some would tell me how they appreciate me listening, and that “story-telling sessions” with me would make them feel peaceful afterwards.  The greatest part of it is: I hardly need to do anything, but listen and pay attention.  For me it’s a personally enriching moment as well.

I remember when I was teaching at university, I’d get students to do presentations that involved their own personal experiences. It’s a way to engage students on a deeper level. For me there’s a side benefit: even though I was the teacher, I always felt the students taught me  much more after each presentation class.

The friends I met recently just reminded me how story-telling and story-listening can be such an enjoyable and healing experience. I definitely need to incorporate more of that into my coaching practice.

If any of you is interested, please contact me.  I am considering collecting for publication some real life stories from women entrepreneurs and professionals to help others navigate the challenges and changes so many are facing these days.  If you or someone you know would like to share, please let me know.
With that, enjoy the summertime fun and stay cool.

Peace & blessings,

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Are Your Affirmations Getting Results

Have you ever tried an affirmation for a few days, and then find it so phony that you don’t even want to think about it anymore?  It may be published by some famous author, or may have received thousands of “likes” on facebook, or retweets.  But somehow it just doesn’t click for you.  How come?

For an affirmation to work, the words, phrases & sentences have to have special power for you.  It has to penetrate, unhindered, your brain and entire nervous system, your conscious and subconscious mind/body, just as the food you eat is absorbed into your body.  If a certain word or phrase in the affirmation conjures up some doubts, wavering or contradiction, the back of your mind will be murmuring them as you repeat it.  The inner conflict functions like an indigestion: the meal you eat is not breaking down properly in your stomach, or makes you feel like throwing up.  The natural result: you are sick of it.  No more.

Here are a few things you can do to ensure that your affirmation is fully absorbed and working:

1) treat words with utmost respect on a daily basis.  Affirmation makes an impact with the power of words.  If you respect that power, that power is more likely to follow your direction.

2) use words you can embrace whole-heartedly.  This is to avoid any contradiction with the “back of your mind:”  doubts, suspicions, distaste for some words due to your prior experience with them.

3) align your words with your actions on a daily basis.  When your words are dissociated with actions, they are empty shell, or as we call them, “empty words.”  When your words and actions are always together, your mind knows:  words are commands;  here comes one, let’s get the job done.

At Sunlight, we help our clients formulate affirmations that work magic.  Check out our upcoming workshop on how to make your affirmation effective.  If you are interested, contact us for more information.


Peace & Power to your words,

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What Is Stress Management Exactly?

As things in the workplace (and at home) are speeding up beyond our natural ability to handle them, what used to be a small headache 30 years ago can now explode into a full scale crisis, in a nanosecond.  Phoong!  The storm is here.  That’s why stress management is now essential for anyone who wants to avoid unpleasant surprises.

What is commonly known under the general rubric of “stress management” includes a series of life skills that can be used to prevent, handle and recuperate from stressful situations.

Stress management is taking proactive measures

Stress is an epidemic these days.  It is safe to assume the germ is in the air, and that you have a chance to catch it.

So, prevention, prevention, prevention.  That means learning stress management techniques before you feel stressed.

Stress management is noticing danger signs early

Stress is a disease (which leads to many other diseases): if you notice it early, you’ll have the time and resources to deal with it effectively.  When it’s full blown, it’s harder to manage.

So what are the early signs of stress?  The earliest signs show up in your breathing pattern.  Breath is inextricably connected with your mental-emotional states.  When your breath is shallow, thin, fast-paced, irregular, etc.,  you will feel out of sorts to say the least.  Or you may be experiencing anxious thoughts and feelings, mild depression, irritability, frustration, etc.

When you notice these stress symptoms any time during the day, pause, breathe deeply and refresh yourself (for regulating breath, see Stress Relief at Your Fingertips)

Stress management is knowing what to do under pressure

If you’ve taken proactive measures, you’ll find it easier here.

Always start with the easiest and most effective way: breathing.  At Sunlight we recommend different stress management techniques accompanied by time-proven mantra music.  The music can cut off the excessive activity of the negative thinking mind and create space for a positive change to happen.  It can also regulate your breathing “automatically,” because our body-mind-heart naturally responds to rhythm.

Once breathing is regulated, you can refocus, take a good look at the stressor, and uproot it.  There, simple as that.

Stress management is knowing how to relax and get a good night sleep

Stress is accumulative.  If you keep feeling stressed out for 7 consecutive days and nights, you are on the road to a burnout.  But if you work hard during the day, relax and recuperate during the night, (or preferably during your lunch break as well), you can create space for yourself to refocus and better handle the situation.

There are many powerful stress management techniques to create desired relaxation and deep restorative sleep.  The one in Stress Relief at Your Fingertips is very powerful.   Certain mantra music is also good for slowing down the body-mind at the end of the day.  Here is one if you want to try it:

No matter what stress storm hits, always remember that you have the power to manage it.  First of all: breathe!  Life is breath.  Living is breathing.  Let it go; let it flow, and let yourself thrive.

Peace be with you wherever you go!


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How to Deal with Unwanted Negative Thoughts?


You’ve probably had an earful by now of all the “gloom & doom” talk about 2012.  At a time like this, when there are fast changes going on in life and at work all over the world, it is easier than ever before to get bogged down by negative thoughts or “negative people” who are like condensed packages of negative thoughts.

So what can you do about all this negativity?  You can be a master of your negative thinking mind by understanding what it is and by applying your positive and neutral mind (see How to be Positive All the Time)

Negative thinking is part of human psychology

It’s there to tell us what is wrong and serves to protect us from potential danger.  Before you go to a new city, your negative thinking mind warns you what not to do, where not to go, etc.

What becomes harmful is when your negative thinking mind starts to make up stories about things it does not know.  For example, it’s clueless about what 2012 has in stock for you and your loved ones, but fearing the unknown, it starts to make up “what-if” scenarios, and, coming out its natural penchant, would you guess it:  the stories are all negative.

Negative thoughts are contagious

This can take shape in many forms.

You might be already aware of this: when you are around something who breathes and talks negative thoughts, pretty soon you find them under your own skin.  Sometimes you can catch it even without direct contact.  For example, someone just had a strong negative thought or feeling about something that happened to them in the elevator.  You get in there, 3 minutes later you get out and wonder how come suddenly you are feeling depressed.

Or other times someone you accidentally offended through an innocuous email resented you for saying whatever…  And in the evening you find yourself exhausted even though it was kind of a smooth day for you.

Negative thoughts are heavy and sticky, but changeable

Once you catch negative thoughts, be it through air or email or personal contact, it tends to get heavier and heavier, seeming impossible to move.

The good news is:  it’s an illusion.  Like an unpleasant scene in a movie.  In fact the whole movie is an illusion, isn’t it?

Negative thoughts might feel heavy & immoveable, but are actually not as powerful as your positive thinking mind.  That’s why any time you feel bogged down by negative thoughts, face it:  tell it as it is, an illusion.  That’s the beginning of the upward spiral.

You can change negative thoughts in a heartbeat, plus some breathing time

The key is NEVER get intimidated by negative thoughts.  The more you use your positive thinking mind, the more you become aware of your power to overcome any negativity.

Changing mental states takes no time.  What it does need is a shift in consciousness.  Once you realize you cannot possibly get trapped by those heavy sticky negative thoughts, you are already on the positive thinking track.   Congrats for a swift shift!

However for the mental shift to stabilise in your body, it has to go through the breath.  Breathing directly impacts your physiology on all levels.  So make sure you face all your or others’ negative thoughts  with a steady strong breathing pattern.  Then your positive thinking mind will settle in your body like good nourishing food.  Enjoy!

Mantra music

Mantra music can be used to protect you from or “flush out” negative thoughts.  At Sunlight we provide recommendation to our clients according to their specific needs.  The mantra music we introduce is scientifically designed and has been proven effective by thousands of users.

Here’s one you might want to try:

Negative thoughts can be overwhelming, especially if they hit you unprepared.  We at Sunlight have many tools to help our clients to protect their positive mental energy, and to neutralize negative thoughts on the spot.   Please contact us for a complementary interview.

We now offer 3-hour packages.  That is we’ll help you to find a solution to your challenge within 3 sessions, with 100% money back guarantee.  Contact us for more info.

May your positive mind stay strong and overcome all negative thoughts!

Peace & Sunshine Prosperity to you all,


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Stress Relief Wherever Whenever You Need It

How are you doing with your New Year’s Resolution?

Do you have on your list: lose 20 pounds, exercise 5 times a week …?  I have found that a lot of times people quit their resolution not because they don’t have motivation but because they’ve chosen the wrong exercises.  That can be very discouraging, but not so difficult to fix.  Here is my recommendation.

1) keep it rigorous but flexible.

I recommend exercises that can be broken down into smaller sections so that if you schedule your workout in the morning but cannot finish it, you can always make it up in the afternoon or evening.

2) connect physical with mental exercises.

That way you get to do both at once.   Well choreographed movement meditation can be very helpful and great fun to do.  They can regulate your breathing and mood no matter where you find yourself in about 3 minutes.

3) incorporate a prayer or affirmation

Many gym exercises can give you a high, but it does not last long enough, or does not provide you protection you need to deal with negative emotions or situations.   A well designed exercise routine with matching prayer & affirmation will have a much greater impact on not just the physical but also mental emotional levels.   They can improve the quality of your life for looong stretches.

Your thoughts, emotions & feelings ultimately make up your physical reality.  So taking care of them all is definitely worth the while.

At Sunlight, through our Personality Assessment series (PNP, PHP & PEP) we can customize simple portable flexible exercise routines that fit all the above criteria.   And we personalise it just for your specific situation.  You will be able to do them anywhere anytime for any type of stress.

Sounds good?  Then give it a try.  Here’s our 100% money back guarantee.

On that note, have a happy healthy holiday season!

Peace & sunshine blessings to you all,


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